I have sat down at my computer multiple times to try and write.
Something.
Anything.
My soul is currently lacking in the words department but not really anywhere else. My life is so full and I think that’s why I am having such a hard time condensing it to mere words. I feel like it takes away from how good it actually is to try and use my small vocabulary to describe what Jesus is doing. I actually can’t believe that I get to be doing what I’m doing. I am in awe of the last few years of my life and when I look back on all that the Lord has accomplished I become speechless.
One thing, though, that the Lord has been showing me is that while it’s okay to look back at the past, good or bad, we shouldn’t live there. I catch myself talking about the last two years a lot and while I know that is okay for the most part, I don’t want it to be all that I talk about. I want to talk about what He is doing in my life right this second.
So, while my life has been really great the last few years, it is good right now. Right now the word “good” carries the weight that it did in the Garden. How God looked on everything and said that it was good. Life is full. I am content. I am in full communion with the Lord. I have the opportunity to work with an organization where it’s okay to talk about Jesus in every conversation. I live in a community where people genuinely want the best for me and they want to help me get there. We get to run hard after Jesus and chase dreams that are in our hearts. We get to lead squads and travel the world. This past weekend is the first time I have been able to slow down enough to actually let my soul catch up to reality.
The reality that I am living in a new community with a new job. I am back in America. I get to drive a car and take hot showers and wash clothes. I get to eat Chick Fil A whenever I want to. This weekend was quite strange. My mind felt cloudy like I couldn’t figure out where I was or what I needed to do. I went to buy groceries and felt like I was swimming in quicksand. I made phone calls but I don’t actually remember them. I probably couldn’t tell you what I did on Saturday but I do remember asking the Lord why I felt that way. Why I couldn’t put thoughts together and why I felt like I didn’t know where I was. He gave me the analogy of being in the car and having to slam on the breaks. The car stops but most of the time your body keeps moving and has to literally catch up to the stop.
That’s where I’m at. I’m in this catching up period. I’ve slammed on the breaks, I’ve slowed down, I get to actually have weekends off and I get to actually stay in my bed all day on said weekends if I want to. I have been running again. I have been painting and writing. I watched a movie. I get to be with people who mean a whole lot to me and this weekend I will head over to Birmingham to see my people there.
I am in America and it’s a beautiful thing.
I went for a run this morning around the Lake. The Lord reminded me how He leads me beside still and quiet waters. Fun fact, I actually woke up to go to spin class and the instructor never showed up so when I went for the run I didn’t have headphones because I hadn’t planned to use them. Turns out, the Lord speaks pretty loud between the quiet waters of a lake and the breathing of my out of shape lungs. He showed me how being by still waters doesn’t necessarily mean that I am still it just means that there is a calmness to life. A stillness that only His presence can bring. Sometimes, we just have to slow down enough to let that silence and stillness speak to us. You can only hear the quiet when the music and the noises are off.
Today, I’m thankful for a slow and steadiness that the Lord has brought in the last few days. I am thankful for all the introvert time that I could need and I am thankful for lakes to run around. I am thankful that Georgia has the best rocks to skip and that I can play in waters that are still.
Thank you so much to everyone that has been following along with my journey. I am still in need of support for Adventures in Missions. I have about half of what I need in monthly support and would love it if you would consider either joining my monthly support team or giving a one- time donation, either one of them helps immensely! Right now I have a deadline of $3,000 and we are pretty far from that. If you want to know exactly where your money goes and what I do then checkout this MENTORING BLOG
Also, subscribe to this blog to stay up to date with all the things I will be doing and stories from Gap L while they are on the field!
