My Next 30 Years

I turn 30 in a few weeks.

I’m not one of those people that’s dreading it but it’s got me reflecting a lot on the life I have lived.

This morning I was scrolling social media, like you shouldn’t do when you first wake up and there was a post that said “post what you looked like at the beginning of the decade and what you look like now!”

Well, that sent me into a black hole of looking back at my pictures from the last 10 years and my thought was to write a blog about 30 and post them all. Well. There’s neither time nor space to post all of those pictures but here are quite a few.

Over the last 10 years I have lived a lot and loved a lot and been through a lot. I cried when my brother joined the Air Force and left for Basic Training. I went to Auburn and had the time of my life while struggling through what it looked like to love Jesus and have deep friendship with people while trying to get a degree. I graduated and had an office with my name on it where I put a lot of kids in safe places and maybe left a few where it wasn’t. It was the hardest season of my life and I am thankful for all the Lord taught me and is still teaching me through it. I’ve answered the call of God asking me to go to the Nations where my heart was shattered and remade by street kids and people hearing the Gospel for the first time and 100th time. I learned even more what it looked like to love Jesus and have friendship. I went back out to lead 18-20 year olds and began to understand the need this generation has for Jesus and how we are at a tipping point in our culture. I caught the fire of loving and leading this generation into a radical relationship with Jesus that is more than a 9-5 job and more than a Sunday morning service. I have seen people come to know Jesus. I have seen language barriers broken. I have seen people walk for the first time in 30 years. I have seen redemption and reconciliation with the toughest of cases. I have sat with people in the African dirt who have more than I ever knew possible. I’ve made deep relationship with people around the world and have even been able to see them again. I have learned to let loose and have a whole lot of fun because even though following Jesus is hard, it’s all worth celebrating.

I dated a boy I thought I’d marry way back at the beginning of this decade and it turns out God had other plans. I have had friends that I thought would be here forever. I have lost family members and it never gets easier. I have walked down the streets of Red Light Districts and I’ve sat with street kids on the sidewalk. I’ve wept over the brokenness of this world and how temporary life is. I have seen poverty like I never knew was possible. I have seen people who have nothing yet possess everything. I came home and struggled as I wondered what it meant to live in America after all I’d seen. I couldn’t unsee the people or unhear their stories. I cried with my mom on a beach trip that should have been fun but instead I couldn’t understand why people were paying all that money when people around the world were starving. I walk a lap in the store before I buy dog food because my dog eats better than kids on the street. I’ve reconciled most of it and here I am living in America and still getting to have a small part to play in the things that changed my life.

And in the midst of all of this I have had a family and a core group of friends that have been there through it all. We have celebrated marriages and babies. We have cried over miscarriages and divorces. We have wrestled and we have won. You all have been patient with me in the hard seasons of social work and you’ve celebrated with me when I landed my dream job that I love. You’ve welcomed me in even when I was countries away. I’ve been a bridesmaid via Facetime and I’ve been to more gender reveals on a phone than I can even count. I have met lifelong friends over the last few years who have ushered me into greater understanding of the Gospel and God’s love for me and this world. I’ve known some people for 25 years and some for just a few. Some I see every few years and some I see every day. I’ve learned that the life I want and feel called to is worth fighting for and sometimes it gets messy. I have learned that saying yes to Jesus is a joy and cost all at once.

My first 30 years have been ones to write home about and I truly believe that it’s only going to get better from here. There are so many things I still want to do like get married, open a coffee shop and work directly with orphans and adoptions. I want to learn to play piano and buy a house. I want to see my niece and nephew grow up and know who Jesus is. I want to continue to love people deeply and have a ton of fun while living it all out.